I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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