I'm sorry my penis didn't work
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
