Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I touched a dick in church today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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