I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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