You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
