i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
