New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
