HIV tests are more positive than that guy
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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