I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
