ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
