Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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