i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
