i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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