as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
