you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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