i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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