She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
