i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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