Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
