No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We got so high we made milksteak
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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