Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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