Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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