please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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