I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
