His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
