I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
