I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
