those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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