he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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