At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
