my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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