Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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