Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
