just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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