If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
