Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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