I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry about my life...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
