I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
