she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
