'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
