remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
