I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
