found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
