I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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