A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
