A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
