I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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