Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i came on her dog
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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