I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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