you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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