I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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