I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
