OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
