he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this boner is exhausting
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
