she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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