i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize