She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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