she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
