Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
