So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
