the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
