In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I could fuck to npr.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
