I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
