I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
