i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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