My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
