She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
