my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize