Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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