Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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