That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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