perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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