I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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