My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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