ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
