Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
pop tarts are not kleenex
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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